Positivity my dear

Perfectionist, idealist, melancholy, artistic, sensitive, moody. These are all adjectives that have been used to describe me on more than one occasion. I know I come off all cute and bubbly but it's just the shell holding in all that dark brooding;) Anyway, regardless I tend to be one of "those" people that focuses on what is not "right". I have learned after many years of practice not to always share what I am thinking, but the majority of the time the mental track running for me is a running list of all that is not right with the world. Because of this thinking, it is really easy for me to start feeling overwhelmed or even downright depressed. I had an epiphany recently about the overwhelmed thing and decided my motto for this season of life was going to be "simplicity first". (Wow is it just me or am I becoming that annoying girl from the nineties who keeps throwing up air quotes?) ...Well I decided today along with my new motto I am going to try and post daily a personal kudos or encouragement for ONE thing I did "right" that day. These will range from the profound to the absurd, but regardless I will try and find at least one thing I did well each day.

Today's Kudos...

I went to visit my grandmother who has been on loan from heaven for the last 94 years. She is a hoot and lives across town which makes it really challenging sometimes to visiting. I try and visit at least once a week. I was able to see her over the weekend and I really wanted to see her today. So I got ready before the kiddos had to be at school, dropped said kiddos off for their mandated education, and headed on over for a brief visit before my classes began. I am happy to report that she was more coherent today than on my last visit.

Kudos to you, MaryEl, for planning your work and working your plan. Instead of thinking of the millions of other projects and people you did not invest in today you made time for your grandmother and followed through. Those other people and plans will see their day in the sun, I just know they will! Why as Scarlet herself said, "Tomorrow is another day!"

Mothers and Daughters

When I was eight years old I experienced a serious disconnect from my mother. Serious as in - change the choices I made as an adolescent, send me to therapy for years, kind of serious. My mom became very ill and worsened to the point that she was on death's door for the better part of that year. She spent most of the year in the hospital where I was only allowed to visit once (because everyone back then knew that kids have cooties that will surely usher the feeble and sick on into Glory) and only then when my father disguised me as a patient and snuck me into her room. He was in fact sure it might be the last time I would see my mother and so we went covert, Vietnam style baby.

At one low point when my mother was actually home "recovering" twenty miles from the nearest hospital, I witnessed her unconscious, lying in a deep pool of her own blood. Family screaming, panic palpable. In retrospect I think that was the moment the disconnect occurred. See in all my eight year old wisdom I knew that I was losing my mother, and I also knew that it hurt like hell. My solution, just don't love her anymore - or at least don't get too close, and then my dear- problem solved - you don't ever have to hurt again. My story has a happy ending. My mother slowly recovered and at nineteen I finally recognized the unconscious decision I had made at eight and decided to reconnect. I am happy to say we managed to reconnect quite successfully (my husband might even say too successfully).

I share this here because the other day my daughter confided something in me that almost made my heart explode with happiness. She said she was talking to a girl in her class at school who is "dating" (my daughter is eight - thus the irony). Anyhoo, she was explaining to this classmate that she didn't date yet when her friend volunteered this information : "Oh you can date whenever you want as long as your parents don't find out." My daughters reply? Well that's what made my heart burst. She said, "Are you kidding? My mom and I can talk about anything. I wouldn't ruin that for the world!" The little girl seemed shocked and conceded that she did not feel she could tell her mom "anything".

I will be the first to admit, I have more days as a parent when I mess it up than when I get it right. But I have spent more than a few hours stretched across my daughters bed allowing her to spill her guts and ask me the most embarrassing of questions (at least embarrassing for me). These are not always convenient times for me. These aren't scheduled talks. These are, "mom I need to talk to you and I want to do it right now" kinda moments. I have two thoughts on this :1) I never want to miss an opportunity to hear my kids hearts - I mean come on, parenting is hard enough as it is and if the only gauge I have on their emotional and spiritual health is their heart, I had better pay attention. 2) I always want to be as honest as possible in our discussions. It is a subtle art telling the truth in a way that is appropriate to your child's age. I have been asked things I never thought I would be asked by a six, or seven, or eight year old. I take long pauses to think about how best to frame the truth they seek. But I don't lie. I don't tell them babies come from heaven or kissing. And I don't shut them down - "We don't talk about that," or "We'll talk about that when you are older,". Listen my theory is if they are asking then they are thinking. I would much rather them know the truth and our family's values on the matter versus allowing them to hear all kinds of cock-a-mamy ideas from their peers (which for the record - my kids have shared some of the ideas they have heard and there are some crazy ones).

So I celebrate healing today. Healing between mothers and daughters. I pray that though our relationship will evolve and change, my daughter will always feel like she can tell her momma anything!

Just two weeks left until school starts back. I am always amazed at the parents who cannot wait to send their kids back to school... I don't know, it just comes across rather like the kids are a disease or something you want to get rid of as quickly as possible. I on the other hand mourn as our days of freedom together draw to a close. Ah summer, I love you. Kids, I love you more.

I had this funny (melancholy wonky funny - not funny haha) word picture the other day. I was driving down a small road and admiring all the wonderful wildflowers. Then I began to think how sad it is that the city road crew comes through and without a second thought mows them down. I understand the purpose - to keep things tidy and visible as you drive along. It's just a shame. "Consider the lilies of the field..." That refrain rang through my head. And I thought, is this what the Western Church has become? The road crew of God's kingdom? Keeping things nice and tidy and making sure everyone is safe? I like the wildflowers. I like wild things in general. And I don't want to tame them or replace them with something safer - say pansies planted in perfect rows perhaps?

So this whole western church dilemma has been vexing me. Then I read Ephesians 1:20-23 in the Message translation:

All this energy issues from Christ: God raised Him from death and set him on a throne in deep heaven, in charge of running the universe, everything from galaxies to governments, no name and no power exempt from His rule. And not just for the time being, but forever. He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of this, Christ rules the church. The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which He speaks and acts, by which He fills everything with His presence.

Oh my, my heart is arrested! I certainly don't have that view when I hear the word church. The same God who is keeping all the galaxies in perfect order rules over the church - it is the embodiment of who He is! Praying that my view becomes one with His.

Feels so good to be back on here. We have been on vacation, I have taken a short business trip with my Mom, and then my browser was malfunctioning and would not connect to blogger. Anyway....I am using safari browser now and connected just like that! Cannot wait to read the thousands of updates I have missed and be inspired!

Thanksgivings

1) Working in the garden. Endlessly weeding with a boy who seems to be turning into a man child before my very eyes. A man child, asking deep questions, about the eternal and the beginning of time.

2) The first fruits of labor. Broccoli, fresh from the stem - debugged and carefully washed, then gently steamed into deliciousness.

3) A cup of Keurig coffee, steaming hot with just a touch of honey and cream.

4) Morning meditations rediscovered in the words of The Message. Gospels come alive, speaking clearly, reaching across the chasm of cultural differences.

5) Finding a new favorite book - The Secret Life of Bees.

"When you are unsure of yourself," she said, "when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she's the one inside saying, 'Get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are.' She's the power inside you, you understand?"
Her hands stayed where they were but released their pressure. "And whatever it is that keeps widening your heart, that's Mary, too, not only the power inside you but the love. And when you get down to it, Lily, that's the only purpose grand enough for a human life. Not just love - but to persist in love."

Right up there with To Kill and Mockingbird and I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings. lovely, just lovely.

Thank you.

Catching up

This has been the most glorious spring for birds around here. Perhaps it is because we have had the windows open for a month now, but it seems like I can hear so many more birds this year. I don't know if there is anything better than a quiet cool house and the sounds of birds singing in the background.


Made muffins this morning using this recipe. This time however I used strawberries that were just about over ripe. I omitted the cinnamon and....drumroll please....I substituted the 1 cup milk for 1/2 cup organic vanilla yogurt and 1/2 cup organic milk. Ohhhhhh they are so scrumptious if I do say so myself:)


I am laughing at myself. I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off and yet when I get ready to blog I think, "my life is so boring. I have nothing to share." That was until I just uploaded the May pictures. Wow I will have to do a whole post tomorrow on things to do in East Tennessee.


Right now, as the boys snooze on, I am listening to the quiet chatter of a girl playing in her dollhouse. "Room service...we have spaghetti, eggs,...." The dollhouse was something my grandmother started but never finished before Alzhiemers took over her life. Noone else in the family seemed interested in taking on the project of restoration of the beast and so, my little brood received the honors. Several years ago I began working on the crumbling house for my daughters birthday. You can view the pictures of that project here.



And while we are sharing, let me share our "grown up furniture"!

I have always dreamed of having a red overstuffed couch and chair. Imagine my happiness when I showed up to help my sister price for a yard sale to benefit her family's mission trip to Peru. There sat my dream couch (someone had donated it to the sale). When she told me the price, I immediately called my husband who graciously agreed to come over and see the dream couch. My husband agreed it was a purchase we could make and voila! my dream became a reality.

The new furniture led to an update of artwork above the piano. Excuse the photography (I was using my cell phone). These paintings were done my beloved husband as a project for his color theory class. I just loved them. They really served to change the feel of the room.

Hope your day is warm and full of adventure!

Everyone is so sick of the rain here. But I must confess, I love it. I am content. All is right with the world. I finished my last exam yesterday. Spent today planning meals, grocery shopping, and planting trees in the yard. It has started raining again. I think I might go throw some flower seeds in the ground before I call it a day. Ahhhhhhh.